EXTRA! EXTRA!

When my hilarious brilliant new friend Elaine Gale first entered my house a year ago to spend a couple nights with me, Stella had already greeted her in the driveway as she got out of her Uber. Stella was only 1½ at that point, so she jumped on people way more than she does now.  It was a situation.

Elaine tried to inch her way into the house  as I tried to regain some semblance of control over Stella. Elaine, also helping with Stella, finally made it into the living area and looked to her left to see the giant heart on the wall.  She stood up straight and said “You are so EXTRA, girl!”  She motioned to the heart, the dog, the house in general. 

I thought I was being criticized. But it was more like that classic scene of The Mary Tyler Moore Show where Mary Richards thought she was being complimented when Lou Grant said “You’ve got spunk!”  Lou surprised us all by then screaming  “I HATE spunk!”  

Elaine followed her comment with something to the effect of “I LOVE EXTRA! I’m extra too!” In the middle of the chaos, we knew we were kindred spirits.

Extras.

Most of my life has been extra. I’ve been extra. I love extra. I gravitate to extra.

I always chose to do extra credit. If a goal is 75%, I’m going to shoot hard for 100%.

I always make way too much food for any event because I never want anyone to think they took the last portion away from someone else. 

Leftovers. Extras. More. Better.  The extra mile.

These are my happy places.

I am horrible with attention to detail, except in the case of things like making beauty or celebrations for loved ones. I feel like every tiny extra detail is worth it – even if they don’t see it.  

Extra is super easy if it's for people I love.

When my friend Annie Fannie first came to my house, I loved her even more because she went around my house like Sherlock Holmes looking for clues into who I was in all the design details. She saw the tiny details in the pieces of art that had me buy them. She noticed all the extras. I loved celebrating Annie Fannie more than anyone because she received every little effort with such a joyous open heart.

The fire has (hopefully temporarily) taken away my extra. 

I can’t go above and beyond right now.

I can’t offer extra.

I can’t surprise with extras.

I can’t say “yes” to much. “Yes” feels extra.

My head and heart are still jumbled up.  So, extra isn’t in the cards for now.

Yesterday was my birthday and my friends did all the extra-ing for me. They showered me with love. They wrote poems for me, created clever memes, left exquisite messages. They sang for me. So many beautiful singers in my orbit. And look at the incredible arrangement that required a video its beauty was so epic!

Strangers showered me too. I have only had two dresses (one I evacuated with and one I was given a few days later) and I have worn them to death. But like many of my fire compatriots, I have had no bandwidth to try on clothes.  The thought of trying on clothes would make me anxious. It still does as I write this.

But yesterday on the way back from Stella’s beach time, I found myself getting coffee near a store in Montecito that has always looked cool to me. Three women of all different ages were working there. It isn't a large store.  It's pretty intimate and they were all chatting casually with each other as they folded, steamed or organized their wares.  I felt like I had walked into a modern day “Little Women” living room, everyone’s fingers busy with the important task at hand.

They welcomed me gently into their little world, all three of them in lovely not-over-the-top outfits, inviting me to enjoy their world while I was there.

It felt safe. I tried on a dress. I tried on a couple more. I found the perfect dress for dinner and life. Then I realized I didn’t have a sweater. I found the perfect sweater that worked with the dress and promises to be a long-term fave.  

The Little Women celebrated my finds and went the extra mile with their loving care.

We fire victims have trouble parting with money these days with future rebuilds weighing on us.  When I went to check out – more extra! – I was told that fire victims get a wonderfully huge discount due to the generosity of the two local women who own the store!

I love Doen!

Then dinner in my new dress.  Joanie, Stan and Eva did a lot of extra-ing with a most delicious and beautiful dinner. Joanie and Eva created a very special – beyond extra - Annie Fannie jewel treasure. And then Eva and I found some ... and beauty!

So, it was an extra day due to the generosity of friends and strangers. 

One day I hope I'll be back to my extra-ness but for now, I’m feeling extra-blessed.